Cameron was a good boy, a good hearted boy, and why not? A single child never wanting for anything, yet given the appropriate amount of tough love. He spent most of his time in the company of adults and many lonely hours in front of the tv who became his best friend at many times.
Cameron’s mother was the caretaker for the local parish priest Father Frank. He spent most mornings prior to school and afternoons at the Presbytery with father Frank and array of apprentice priests. These young men, each with his own ideals and aspirations became pseudo uncles for their three to six month internments.
Cameron was particularly fond of one young priest Father Joe. Of an afternoon in the back yard sun they would spend many hours talking about God and devotion, or shooting pigeons in the eaves of the church with Cameron’s prized slug gun. One day in the kitchen Father Joe accidently let the gun off, imbedding a slug into Father Franks brand new fridge. After much stress, indicision and chucking the solution was to fill the hole with chewing gum which worked perfectlys thanks to the old priests failing eye sight.
To add insult to injury, on some Fridays when his parents went out, they would send Cameron across the road to the convent to be babysat. There the nuns would fuss over the young prince, sitting him up in the pride of postion in front of the TV, filling his tray with yummy snacks and drinks. He took such pride at the time as he relaxed with half a dozen nuns and watched the Friday night movie.
No wonder he was such a good boy. The poor bastard did not have a chance. I am sure you can paint a picture in your mind.
In 1982 this sweet boy joined the advanced school for bastards, The NSW Police Force. At 7am just a few weeks after his 19th birthday, Cameron walked in the front door to his first assigned Police Station. Standing there with his hands on his hips holding his trusty gun and handcuffs, he was ready to save the world. Little did he know what was to come in the next 19 years of service.
By 9am he was standing out the front of a residential home where the owner, only an hour earlier had severed his head completely with the aid of a pump action shotgun. The deceased laid there in the morning summer sun. Some smart arse has suggested that Cameron stay there on his own with his first dead person and stand guard until the contractors arrived to take thebody away. Not knowing where to look, yet compelled to look, he stood close by as the local ants had decided to take up residence in this yummy new treat.
Just after lunch a bit out of town on the highway, a woman with her young infant child had lost control and rolled her car into the bush on the side of the roadway causing it to catch alight. Upon arrival the sight of ambulance working on the two heavily charred bodies still alive was just too much to comprehend. He remembers his state of shock. Everything was in slow motion, he couldn’t even understand the other people talking nearby. His state of incoherence was broken and jolted him back into reality as one of his workmates spoke with him.
“Cam you drive the ambulance”
Cameron replied, “But Sgt, I’m not even certified to drive the police truck yet, never mind the ambulance’.
The grumpy Sergeant berating replied, “Do you really think that anyone would give a fuck at this point”.
The irony of the moment. This young 19 man, excited at his first opportunity to drive an ambulance. His exuberance short lived was crushed by the faint cries of the infant child as the ambos struggled to keep him alive.
At .4.30pm Cameron walked into his family home. His mother had made him a celebratory cake for his first day in the job. “How was your first day a work Cam, I hope it was exciting”.Little did Cameron know that the venue for hisfirst appointment as a Police Officer was a punishment station for senior police. A dumping ground for the lazy, the wretched, the damaged and those whose expiry date for the job had long passed. They just did not know it or were too gutless to move on into the real world. Looking back sadly many of his new pseudo uncles at the time, very very different from Father Joe, and were not the mentors that he needed to be with. Learning quickly by sheer experience as is happened, he lived in a world surrounded by violence, chaos and death. Dealing with people in despair. The exhilaration of a work based fear, the “throb on the job” was a rapid initiation into manhood.
Like the borge out of Star Trek you had to assimilate or be chewed up and spat out of the system. Sink or swim, Cameron love every day of his career from day one to nineteen years later. As hard as it was, the premise was that of service to the community.
Still a good man at this point, Cameron could still retain much of his childhood traits hidden under the blue uniform. Always being different, not quite fitting in in one way or the other. He was still a good boy. Learning that sometimes good people just make bad choices. This insight or understanding allowed him a great compassion.
Honing his skills in the Tactical Response Group or riot squad, Cameron spent nearly two years fill time dealing only in violent and high-risk jobs. The ultimate boys club as you can imagine. A wonderful place to work for a young man seeking excitement, but a poor place to work for a young man seeking stability with a young family. Alcohol and womanizing was the top of the list on the after shift social activities. He had decided to favor the family and escape to country policing.
Cameron spent many happy years living in Country locations. At one point, he moved out to a remote out back police station with his young bride and children. His illusions were broken with his wife distraught by this heartless out back existence that he had trapped her in, she choosing to become inappropriately intimate with the local publican. We’ll all hell broke loose. In a town of only 20 people, how unlucky can you get? There were rumors of a savage altercation between the publican and the policeman, but nothing was ever substantiated in court. Cameron was transferred back to Dubbo under supervision. There the shame of the incident was out rivaled by his almost celebrity status as the rumors of the frakas leaked back to Dubbo.
Now aged 30, there had been a new defining moment, a smoldering fire now resided in Cameron’s belly. The pain from the incident now stuck to him like flies on an insect stick. At this point the good catholic boy seem to retreat to somewhere deep inside him. Not prepared to come out. Like a mongrel dog, Cameron had stepped up to a new level in the police culture.
With a refined and perfected level of eloquence and arrogance, the ultimate salesman in good behavior, Cameron could almost talk the panties off a nun (pops, excuse the pun I could not let that one go). Should the poor fool not circum to the spell of his charm and conform, Cameron learnt to call upon the burning fire inside, summoning this anger forth like a sledge hammer, the poor bugger never had a chance.
With his new acclaimed skills that he practiced so well, Cameron was invited take his own pack of young police to outback towns suffering severe anti-social behavior and “fix” the problems.
Years went by, Cameron separated from his wife and children. The marriage was irreparable for years, they just lived a lie for the sake of the children. Leaving the Country and later leaving the police force for private enterprise.
At 39 nearly 40 years old with a mid-life crisis coming on, Cameron joined Muay Thai or kick boxing as some know it. So eager to try and keep reliving the “throb on the job”, that he so much missed. He continued this practice till 46 when his shoulders and wrist started to pack it in from the heavy bag work.
He had decided to join a pistol club in its place, when it was suggested that he should join a spiritual church instead. Juggling in his hands, Pistol club – Spiritual Church, he against his better judgement gave in to the spiritual church.
Throughout his life Cameron felt like Christopher Columbus, always searching for new adventures to satisfy that sense of not enough. But now he had sailed home. This is where he belonged.
Now 53 and seven years later, I still feel like Columbus with a new sense of adventure. With a now greater sense of awareness I set forth daily into areas of new personal discovery. I am conscious of new areas of thoughts, feelings and perceptions that arise and the challenge for me is how I deal with them.
Meandering through my daily existence with a greater understanding that every choice that I make impacts on my ability to hold light, which I share freely with my family, my friends and my wider community. I still hold the premise of service that I revered back in the force, except with a clear, cleaner direction.
Rambo no longer serves me anymore. I now choose Jesus as my new Guru. No getting caught up in the concepts of the Catholic Church, I choose Love, Compassion and Forgiveness as the virtues that I aspire too. These as the standards that I hold myself too.
Do not make the mistake of confusing Kindness with Weakness. I still have many arrows in my quiver. I just have no need to shoot them anymore, for they no longer serve me.
Moving forward into my future, the actions of my past no longer have any bearing on the man that I am today. They are no long a benchmark that I use to compare myself to others, nor are they a compilation of my failures. They are merely the steps that I have taken to get to the person that I am today. Right here, right now.
It feels good to be me. I’ll tell you more about now another time.
I have created this blog not just so I can rant about the things that I do. More so, it is to encourage interaction between those who read it. So, make a comment guys
I am also a registered councilor and am available for one on one confidential session. Feel free to call me.
This is only one of many articles on my blog which I have called “My way or the High way”, so if you want to see more click http://bit.ly/SpiritualInsightsCameron
Cameron Monley (that’s me) is the creator of “The Infinite Connection” – Inspiring events on the Gold Coast featuring Men’s groups, Women’s groups, Meditation, Live Music & Spiritual Gatherings with Unique Guest presenters – www.TheInfiniteConnection.com.au
P.S.. Make time and join me and the lads at our fortnightly Gold Coast Mens Group or on alternate Tuesdays at Lyza Saint Ambrosena Sacred Womens Circle. http://theinfiniteconnection.com.au/events/